Jack is maybe one of the bravest people I never met.  Jack's father was a veteran in World War II.  When he returned to the United States after the war, he became a coal miner and later died of Black Lung.  Jack's family was not wealthy and there were few options for him.  As many people do in his circumstances, he volunteered for the United States Army.  

The war in Vietnam was just beginning to ramp up, and Jack was sent there almost immediately.

On my way to work this morning, I heard an interview on NPR in which a man in New Hampshire claimed that he supported John McCain because

John McCain was a POW, so he'll be better on foreign policy than Obama.

I'm not exactly sure how one follows the other, to be honest.  There are a lot of things about McCain that I will criticize, but his service in Vietnam as well as the decisions he made and the treatment he endured while in captivity are not among them.  That said, what the fuck is it about being held captive in a cage and tortured that gives you foreign policy cred?  

When I say crazy, I really mean completely totally fucking batshit insane.  Times ten.  And I apologize in advance for subjecting you to this.  

You know what?

Just click the back button on your browser.  

You don't want to see this.

Okay, hopefully I've now weeded out the people without masochist/sadist tendencies.

Someone forwarded the following email to members of the local Democratic Executive Committee of which I am a member.  I dismissed it as stupidity, which it is.  However, the chair of the committee is looking for a "debunking" of this.  I think she's wondering if it's "true".  The fact that it comes from the bat-guano crazy LaRouche campaign doesn't matter to her, because she likes LaRouche.

I know that this is stupid, but I do not know how to go about debunking this tripe, other than to say, "It's from Lyndon LaRouche."

Several days ago, the media picked up Scotty McClellan's new tell-all tell-some memoir and began reporting that Scotty was done rolling over FOR Bush, and was starting to roll over ON Bush.  Of course, these news reports looked something like this:

As a result, activity has increased significantly at The Karateexlosions Fortress Compound of Doom™.  This comes as no surprise to the literally tens of fans of THE SCOTTY SHOW!  But difficult as it is to believe, there are people out there who have gone their whole lives without soaking in the majesty of a SCOTTY SHOW!

When Scotty's new book comes out, THE SCOTTY SHOW! will emerge from its retirement as a new mini-series that will pit our hero, Scotty, against his most brilliant and cunning foe -- himself.  Watch for it in mid-June.  

But until then, it seems only right that those deprived masses who never got to experience THE SCOTTY SHOW finally have that opportunity.  So I bring to you now, a very special SCOTTY SHOW clip show.

Fellow members of the DailyKos community, I wish I were writing to you under happier circumstances.  Unfortunately, however, there is a dark and heavy cloud hanging over us and I feel that it must be addressed.

I am certain by now that you have heard the disturbing and saddening news that last night, a Democrat won a Congressional seat in Mississippi in a special election.  Like me, you were probably horrified to learn that the Republicans lost this seat despite the fact that they had shoveled thousands of crisp jillion-dollar bills into the campaign coffers.

Not only that, but the Republicans also bought every commercial block available and showed video of Jeremiah Wright and Barack Obama stomping on kittens and feasting on the blood of the innocent.  Still the Democrats won.  

As I'm sure you know, this is horrible news for the Democrats.

This past Saturday, a small town near where I live (around Louisville, Kentucky) had a big Spring Festival and Parade.  Basically, you have a parade that goes down Main St. from one end of town to the other, then ends at the local elementary school.  

Outside the school, there's basically a carnival atmosphere.  There are the overpriced "rides", where it costs two dollars for a kid to go down a slide.  There's the triple-bypass fair food, where everything from hot dogs to Snickers bars to triple-bacon cheeseburgers are dipped in lard, fried, and put on sticks.  There's the standard carnival games, where toothless carnies try to goad you into throwing 5-inch balls into 4-inch holes to try to win stuffed generic versions of famous cartoon characters -- like that honey-loving bear Windie the Pooh and his bouncy friend Tiger, or maybe even the very famous Spongebill Rectangleshorts.

The presumptive nominee of the Republican party, Senator John McCain, continues to celebrate Friday morning, several days after winning blowout victories in both Indiana and North Carolina.  Though overshadowed by the hotly contested Democratic campaigns, McCain says his victories in the two states are a source of considerable pride.

John McCain, who secured the Republican nomination way the fuck back in the beginning of March, was able to win Indiana by a whopping 77.6% of the vote.  In North Carolina, McCain was able to secure almost three-fourths of the Republicans in the state, with slightly more than 74% of the vote.

You'll see a green painted sign
On the road into town
Sayin' "Get your black ass out
Before the sun goes down"
Them's just the rules
If your skin is brown
In the home of the brave
And the free

My fellow Americans, thank you for being here today.  As you know, the past few weeks have been very difficult for our campaign.  And that is why I am here today, to speak with you.

As you have no doubt heard, it has recently been alleged that my opponent has a tattoo on her right ass cheek.  My opponent denies these allegations, but how can we know for sure unless she shows us?  Some privacy advocates have been criticizing me for this stand.  But I say that the American people deserve to know!  Is there a tattoo?  How big is it?  What if it’s a swastika, or a hammer and sickle?  What if it says "Death to America" in Arabic?  My opponent can put these questions to rest very simply.  Until she does, this speculation raises very difficult questions about her electability.  The Republicans will hammer this relentlessly, much like I am doing now.

In the past few days, people have died in Iraq, the economy has taken some pretty heavy blows, and --- HOLY SHIT, STOP THE PRESSES.  This just in!  We have received reports that Barack Obama's pastor said the words "God damn America", while referring to injustices faced by the black community in the United States.  

We will now go to a split screen for the next 72 hours, where we will put the video of this black man jumping around and getting emotional in front of a black congregation on a continuous loop.  As you can see from the video, the pastor is black and so is his congregation.  

This black pastor's tone of voice and level of emotion is fairly typical of many, many churches across America, but coming from a black pastor in a black church it is quite troubling.  Also note that black Democratic candidate Barack Obama attends this black church and often hears this black pastor preaching.  This is a significant blow to the Obama campaign.

So I was reading the reports of Geraldine Ferraro's comments regarding Jesse Jackson back in 1988, which almost exactly mirror her remarks regarding Barack Obama.  If you haven't seen the quotes, have a look:

Here's her remarks from a fundraiser yesterday:

"If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position."

And here are her remarks from 1988 about Jesse Jackson:

"If Jesse Jackson were not black, he wouldn't be in the race."

This got me thinking... we are in the middle of a constant time loop, in which history continues to repeat itself over and over.  And so, with the help of LexisNexis, I have compiled the following six news stories.  Can you correctly guess the years of the news stories, letters to the editor, or editorials/columns listed below?  The answers are listed at the bottom -- no peeking!

Disclaimer:  In some cases, I have made minor edits removing dates or names that would directly identify the year of the article.

Some commie pinko liberal people like to say that George W. Bush is the worst president we have ever had.  Now, I think saying such things borders on treason, but one thing you cannot deny is that George W. Bush is a master of soaring oratory.

"As you know, my position is clear -- I'm a commander guy."
-- George W. Bush

How could you listen to these words and not be inspired?  

Just got the email from the Horne campaign -- Fighting Dem Andrew Horne is withdrawing from the race to unseat Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell.  He likely was not getting the kind of traction he needed in the race so far and was facing a primary challenge from wealthy businessman Bruce Lunsford, who can fund much of his own primary campaign.  

This decision was difficult for many reasons, not least because of the major challenges facing our Commonwealth and Country. Millions of Americans live without quality health care, we have shamefully disregarded the needs of our veterans, our education system is deeply flawed, and we remain embroiled in a mismanaged and ill-conceived war.  Through it all, Mitch McConnell is more interested in expanding the scope of his own power than using his office to benefit the hardworking families who make our country great.

Many people, when attempting to parse the reasons why George W. Bush does some of the ridiculous things that he does, arrive at simple, one-word motives:

• Stupidity
• Evil
• Arrogance

Others have postulated more complicated reasons.  For example, he's in love with his mother and therefore hates his father and therefore wants to prove his penis is bigger and therefore had to hang Saddam Hussein and occupy Iraq.

Hungry?

Perhaps I can interest you in some pizza?  Maybe follow that up with a sundae or a fruitcake?  How about a martini to go with that?  And later, if you're still hungry, a bagel for a snack?

Sound good?

Your bill comes to $1,688,000.  Will you be paying with a cashier's check?  

=========================================

1:36 PM  I read this recommended diary, "The year we stole a Christmas tree."

=========================================

1:42 PM  I comment in this diary

=========================================

1:43 PM  I go back and read the diary again

=========================================

1:48 PM  I read the comments

=========================================

2:01 PM  I'm back in 1987

=========================================

All right, welcome back to THE SCOTTY SHOW! with Girl Scotty.  A couple of things to get out of the way in this little intro box.  

First of all, if you're new to THE SCOTTY SHOW!, here's how it works.  We take a press briefing.  We make fun of it.  We say "fuck" a couple of times, and we try to work in a picture of a cat somewhere.  

Press Corps statements/questions are italicized for your pleasure.
Dana's bullshit is thick and bold, like in real life.
My comments are in plain ordinary text, which probably signifies something profound.

Okay, now you're up to date.

Are you going to Netroots Nation?  If so, you're probably stressing about your wardrobe.  Look no further.  By popular demand, there are new shirts, produced by our good friends at Goodstorm, that keep your upper body covered while conveying your status as a cool kid.  Check them out by clicking the picture below.

As kos pointed out earlier, we can see pretty plainly that the parole of Wayne Dumond, under pressure by then-governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee, was fueled by Freepers as well as NY Post columnist Steve Dunleavy as a direct result of their hatred for Bill Clinton.  

The Freepers have rented one of those big truck-sized paper shredders and are feeding sections of their website into it, but I'm here to ensconce them in the safe warm glow of Dailykos.  

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING:  Do not read the following Freeper quotes if you may be pregnant, are trying to become pregnant, or would ever like to become pregnant ever.  Please allow up to four hours after a meal to prevent projectile vomiting onto your computer monitor.  Karateexplosions assumes no liability for damage caused by putting your fist through the nearest breakable object should you read the following Freeper quotes.

Now that's out of the way.  Let's read.